Peep Stoners

Before I had chance in another war, the desire to kill people to whom I had not been introduced had passed away.
- Autobiography of Mark Twain

In olden times (pre-Buddy Hollie) certain people claimed to be able
to foretell the future by means of a special stone called a Peep
Stone, or a Seer Stone. The soothsayer would put this special stone
in the crown of a hat and bury his face in the hat, shutting out all
light. He would then `peep' at the stone, sometimes for hours,
until it delivered up its forecast to him.

In his callow youth and prior to his more famous religious
endeavors, the founder of the Mormon faith, Joseph Smith was
tarred, feathered and run out of a few towns for using this technique
to reveal the burial site of certain treasures to paying customers.
It was possibly this same stone which revealed to Smith the location
of the golden plates which form the basis for the theology for which
he is better known.

Like people who see the future by peering at glowing stones, or by
examining the entrails of dead animals, making rain or reading
palms, there are seers about who pretend to be able to see the hand
of Global Warming in the recent terrible hurricane. All the signs
are there. Its obvious.

Robert Kennedy announces yesterday that God is punishing us for
torpedoing the Kyoto agreement.

The Boston Globe: "The hurricane that struck Louisiana and
Mississippi on Monday was nicknamed Katrina by the National Weather Service. Its real name is global warming."

All to a chorus of the walleyed primitives who enlist the aid of "The
Terrorist Katrina" to visit suffering upon us infidels. Allahu
akhbar.

And I can now confirm that in the days prior to the hurricane, Air
Force One was spotted seeding tropical cumulus clouds in the gulf
with silver iodide, the better to roil them up and produce the
horrible consequences that we have all witnessed recently. It must
be true, I saw it on the internet.

So, mildly curious and eager to find the tripartite nexus, I went to
the National Hurricane Center's website http://www.nhc.noaa.gov/pastdec.shtml
and did extensive research there. About 45 seconds worth. As it
turns out, the incidence of serious hurricanes (Categories 3,4 and 5)
is decreasing over the past hundred years. Not increasing.
What? Not increasing? How can that be? Something is fishy here.

OH WAIT! Just a dang minute. I see now. In the fine print at the
bottom of the page it says that the National Hurricane Center is fully
funded by Halliburton. That tears it. I've had enough. I'm
emigrating. Not to Canada though. They have too much acid rain and
mad cow disease there because of Bush and his Saudi family friends.