Foiled

Why, then the world ’s mine oyster,
Which I with sword will open.
The Merry Wives of Windsor. ACT II Scene 2.


I don't like spiders and snakes. I killed a cottonmouth last night that was as long as your leg. His eyes were dull and black. Sashka spied him trying to get into the garage and alerted me. I immediately went into the Chinese Fighting Stance of Death which I had practiced a few times after watching Bruce Lee films back in my untamed youth. I have never been able to get the piercing "YI-YI-YI" Chinese shriek of impending attack down accurately, but I did my best last night and it worked out pretty OK. I got his attention and then I tricked him with the old "HEY! LOOK OVER THERE!" ruse and when he looked away, I conked him with the old garden shovel of doom maneuver. I could have kicked him with a Kung-Fu high kick to the throat but since a. he was lying down on the ground already so that would have been unsportsmanlike and b. the risk of missing his throat was too chancy, so I opted for whacking him Cosa Nostra style with a shovel which I had previously bought at a garden store for another purpose. You go to war with the weapons you have.

In other news, I failed in my bid to go see the Rollerderby last night and Austin's own team, the indominatable Putas Del Fuego. In a cruel twist of fate, the season ended two weeks ago and no one had the common courtesy to call and tell me. So that's another pleasure denied me, although killing the vicious cottonmouth made up for it in a weak and diluted sort of way.

Neito-san and Jiru-san called last night from Kobe and alerted us to the new and fast growing Japanese fad of owning fighting Rhinoceros Beetles. Neito-san thoughtfully forwarded a photo of one of these beasts feasting on a shallow dish of a gelatinous bloodlike product. He then forwarded a photo of himself eating a Skippy peanut butter sandwich onto which he was slathering the same Beetle food. Personally, I am not so adventurous but I understand you have to eat the food you go to war with, so well done, Neito.