I'm Sorry, So Sorry

"Cowards die many times before their deaths,
The valiant never taste of death but once."

--Julius Caesar (II, ii, 32-37)


Everybody wants somebody to apologize for something these days. The moslems want us to apologize for advancing civilization past the 15th Century and also for everything that happened following the second siege of Vienna. First they want us to apologize for it and then they would like us to die.

Every 'journalist' has to precede his `question' at the White House with a request for an apology. If they don't follow this protocol, Newsweek or CBS will withdraw their press credentials and it's back to working the unfinished lumber aisle at Home Depot.

The Euroweenies want us to apologize for not offering a palette cleanser following the entrée to our guests at Guantanamo and Klansman Robert Byrd wants Trent Lott to apologize for wishing Strom Thurmond a Happy 120th Birthday.

Henry Waxman wants Halliburton to apologize for rebuilding Iraq and for losing more than one hundred men and women (so far) in the process. He seems particularly steamed that Tommy Hammill escaped from his abductors there and managed to avoid being beheaded thereby depriving Waxman of another video clip for his collection. It's galling to him and Hammill owes Waxman big time for that.

The barking moonbats want President Bush to apologize for liberating 55 million people in Afghanistan and Iraq. The negros want the non-negros to apologize on account of our people forced their people to give up a rich cultural life in Africa, abandon cannibalism, stop wearing plants for clothing and come over here to this place. They want us to apologize and then to give them money.

`Native Americans' the length and breadth of these Western continents want something similar in addition to apologies. So far they've been mollified. Some with casinos and some with not having to put up with border formalities upon entry. OK. Fair guys? No harm, no foul?

So joining in the spirit of things, I want my fair share of apologies too.

For starters, I'd like an apology from Mrs. Hartman for making me move to another desk on another side of the room from Mary Seay in Kindergarten because I was talking too much. I think, no I KNOW, that something beautiful was cut down then.

I want a big, fat, tearful apology from Anna Nicole Kerry for lying to us about his military record and thinking that the American people were dumb enough to let him get away with it. And while he's at it, I think we all deserve an apology from Anna Nicole for inflicting his loony tune wife on us. I still cringe.

I'd like a hearty apology from the Veteran's Administration for not making me sign up for any benefits.

I'd like seven apologies from seven RINOS who thought they could make nice with the dumbs and avoid the nucuelar option. They just delayed it. It coulda been a done deal by now.

I'd like an apology from my college for not having invited me to speak at a commencement yet. And speaking of college, I'd like an apology from Glen Wade for not having the common civility to tell me back then when she was plump and juicy that her name was really Glen Close. I'd have been a lot nicer to her then and I'd go see a lot more of her movies now. And in theatres too, not on pirated DVDs like some people I know. Marielena, you know who I'm talking about.

And lastly (for now), I'd like an apology from everyone who voted for a Democrat in the last couple of elections. You were wrong, so apologize now. And do it like you mean it.

There's more, but this will do for a start.