A Modest Proposal

"Nothing can come of nothing: speak again."

--King Lear (I, i, 92)


Like many caucasian americans of a certain age, I can take the time
now to look back over the fading canvas of my life. I can remember
the successes with a certain measure of pride and I'm able now, with
the perspective of time, to smile ruefully at the near-misses and
even chuckle at the memory of those nights I ended up in the bar
ditch. (Like last week, for example. Lets not get into that here.)

Toting up the wins and losses it appears to be not too bad an inning.
It's tempting to sit back, feet up on the ottoman, a glass of
Glengoulie in hand and enjoy the sunset. But I am plagued, as I'm
sure you are, by certain niggling doubts. A phantom itch that can't
be ignored. And prime among them is this: what about our black
negro brothers and sisters?

Here we have a race of people who did all the work for us. They
carried us across centuries of toil and sweat and all the while,
whistling a happy tune and even dancing sometimes. And just what have we done as a nation to erase the ugly stain of slavery, the crime of eternity in which we must all share complicity? Nothing. Well, not enough anyway. I've done a little but you haven't done anything at all, it looks to me.

Many solutions have been proffered but none of them successful. Send them back to Africa! cried our forefathers. Well, we tried that and it just didn't work according to plan. The enthusiasm among the transportees was limited, to put it delicately. Among those selected for the exercise, some had to be dragged kicking and screaming, and those that willingly sailed for eastern skies ended up wearing plants for clothing and eating other people. The clip of Charles Taylor forcing the ex-Liberian President, Samuel K. Doe, to eat his own ears is a vision I cannot get out of my mind, or off my hard drive for that matter. Not successful.

So how about reparations then? Well, there are a number of obstacles
here and I won't go into the details except to say there is no
possible amount of money that could be paid to anyone that would
assuage the pain and the humiliation that this group of people have
had to endure across the centuries. So lets don't even try. Please
don't insult the negros by pretending that their dignity can be
bought. Pride has cost it is said, but no price.

I know what you're thinking. "Sure, sitting around in your armchair
criticizing the suggestions of others and just being obstructionist
is easy" you say. "So why'nt you come up with your own answer, if
you're so smart?!" And right you are. Pointing out fault is easy.
We've seen plenty of that on our national political scene. Much
harder to come up with a thoughtful and reasoned solutions to
difficult problems.

Here then is my proposal: every negro in these here United States of America gets awarded a Harvard MBA or a degree from Yale Law, their choice. These diplomas can be printed up and mailed out within a matter of months, suitable for framing. This problem is solved by the end of summer. As educated people, I don't have to tell you the value of that little piece of paper. Not to mention the prestige and power that is conferred. In one bold stroke, dignity is restored. Earning power is multiplied by orders of magnitude, providing honor and dignity to the recipients in this generation and wealth and comfort to their heirs. A solution that in its simplicity is the definition of elegance.

I hope that if you are a concerned caucasian american you will join me in petitioning your representative to support this elegant but simple solution to our ancient question. It's your duty. It should be your pleasure.

Gunsels

"Yond Cassius has a lean and hungry look,
He thinks too much; such men are dangerous."

~~Julius Caesar (I, ii, 194)

If you know someone who is licensed to carry a concealed handgun, then you could reasonably assume also that this individual has never committed a felony. You would also know that he is not been convicted of either a class A or a class B misdemeanor within the past five years. That he owes no back taxes and no child support. That he is not in default on any loan covered by the Education Act. That he is not currently restricted under any restraining order or protective order. That he has not been diagnosed by any physician as suffering from a psychiatric disorder. That he is not chemically dependent or a drug or alcohol abuser. In short, he is probably a swell guy. The sort you'd like to have for a neighbor.

Is That All There Is?

"Let every eye negotiate for itself
And trust no agent; for beauty is a witch
Against whose charms faith melteth in blood."

~~Much Ado About Nothing (II, i, 178-180)

So its come to this has it? We are all to be denied the delicious spectacle of The Elephant Man being dragged off sobbing in chains to certain doom. And all because A JURY has decided there is not enough evidence to convict. So he's innocent. Is this a valid reason to withhold from us this great pleasure? Surely the greater good should prevail. A jury! A jury of birds! Of little people! Of Californians--a state populated by German bodybuilders and illegal bricklayers--but good ones! Another
pleasure denied us.A little something inside of me dies each time an opportunity for theatre such as this is missed. Pfft. Gone. Forever.

First Orenthal and now The Elephant Man. Another window closes. Another car door slams shut on my fingers. Hands up all out there who agree with me that the common citizens of this country can no longer be relied upon to give us the bread and circuses we need. Is there any better reason to examine ourselves? Our form of government? Is there any good reason NOW not to let the Joint Chiefs take over and see if they can improve the situation?

Cruel and Degrading Pinatas

"By the pricking of my thumbs,
Something wicked this way comes."

~~Macbeth (IV, i, 44-45)

A secret source has delivered a sensitive document to Time Magazine in which the savage and cruel torture techniques of Guantánamo Bay are revealed.

The log purports to be the detailed notes of the interrogation and
cruel torture of Mohammed al-Qatani, the rumored 20th Hijacker who
was deported from the US just prior to the events of September 11,
forfeiting a prepaid vacation at Disney World, and later captured on
the battlefields of Afghanistan.

The torture journal describes the inhuman interrogation that al-
Qahtani was subjected to which included being forced to listen to
interminable dance tracks by Christina Aguilera and being made to
dance the funky chicken wearing only Nike running shoes and
the 'tighty whitey' undergarments favored by islamic terrorists.

Also detailed in the secret document is a bizarre torture technique
designed to humiliate the subject and make him the object of
ridicule. The technique requires that the subject be blindfolded and
spun around in circles until he becomes disoriented. The prisoner is
then required to manually position a cardboard cutout article
(in the salty jargon of interrogation it is known as the "tail of the donkey") onto a target (the "donkey") affixed to a wall in the room. While the subject staggers and attempts to complete the mission blindfolded, the observers taunt him, laughing at his clumsy missteps. This bestial torture technique is especially humiliating to moslems to whom the hindquarters of a donkey is considered to be particularly loathsome. It is a canon of islamic faith that all bottoms (and the faces of women) are required to be covered at all times.

A second and equally barbarous torture technique used on Al-Qahtani (You can call him Al) required that he again be blindfolded and disoriented. Once the subject has been "loosened up", he is given a broomstick and required to pummel a paper mache and crepe covered object which has been pre-filled with small trinkets and food and
suspended by rope/pulley mechanism. As the hungry subject flails
about blindly (and often in the wrong direction) with his broomstick in a vain attempt to recover the food, his jailers raise and lower the target by pulling on the rope. As in the first torture method, the observers laugh and taunt him in an effort to degrade him in a humiliating manner in order to get him to cough up the goods.

More on this breaking story to come as our stringers report in..

Behind The Wheel

"Blow, blow, thou winter wind,
Thou art not so unkind
As man's ingratitude;"

~~ As You Like It (II, vii, 174-176)

Three semis racing a train. I took this picture from behind the wheel of a Ford F250 heading east out of El Paso at about six in the morning. I processed it to resemble something my favorite artist, Edward Hopper, might do if he had used a camera instead of a canvas.

Pretenders

"All that glisters is not gold."
~~The Merchant of Venice (II, vii)

It's an on-and-off thing with me, but I've been collecting old maps since the middle seventies. This is a small detail of a map made by an English explorer in the 18th Century. Note the inscription commenting on the habits of the wily Persians. Some things never change, seemingly.